Saving Your Marriage After An Affair

By: George Saunders

Infidelity in a marriage is devastating, and whether or not a marriage ends at that time depends on several important factors. It is crucial to realize that there are several issues in the relationship that led a spouse to step over the line. Without an attempt to understand the underlying causes the marriage is doomed to failure. There are several areas that enter into play.
<BR><BR>Personality
<BR><BR>Personality is simple to understand. Your personality is actually your outer self. You see, when you and your spouse met, personality played a huge role in attracting you to each other and building a relationship. At that time the two of you clicked on many levels, found common interests, and in general the chemistry was there. Granted, there may have been a few personality faults but they were easy to overlook or understand.
<BR><BR>Character
<BR><BR>Outside of the dictionary definition, character basically is the sum of all the qualities that you are born with in addition to those that you develop as a result of your life choices and experiences. These qualities encompass many areas, including but not limited to compassion, cooperation, faithfulness, forgiveness, respect, and many, many more. This really is your inner self and is not as easily observed as your personality.
<BR><BR>In the close quarters of marriage characters traits began to surface and play an increasingly big role in the success of the relationship. As character traits emerge, understanding, flexibility and clear channels of communication are essential in assuring the relationship stays strong. A major reason many marriages fail is the inability of both spouses to connect at this level. This leads to one, or both partners becoming unhappy with the marriage, feel they are being ignored and generally there is little relevant communication as well as insensitivity towards each others needs.
<BR><BR>The inability to connect at this level is a leading cause of marriages failing. Either one or both partners feel ignored or neglected, communications become strained and both drift apart emotionally and physically.
<BR><BR>With time the relationship looses an awful lot in many ways causing a spouse to look elsewhere to compensate for those elements that have been lost. An affair offers the opportunity to do exactly that. When the injured spouse finds out about the affair, the shock, anger and the feeling of resentment coupled with the emotional hurt becomes devastating. A crazy cocktail of emotions such denial, grief and disgust only adds to the mental hurt.
<BR><BR>Choosing a logical course of action in the charged emotional intensity of the moment is difficult. Furthermore it is tough to stop and remember the time you first met, and think of all those things that attracted you to one another. After years of commitment to each other in marriage, and having gone through many good times, some bad times and surviving through hard times, should an affair signify the end of the relationship? Not necessarily.
<BR><BR>It is possible to repair your marriage if you and your spouse choose to find what’s ruining it.
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